stupid chickens

actually its more of the farmers fault. but still. i'm completely biased in favor of the chickens, and i'm not supposed to be. the only way i can counter my really god arguemnts against the farmer's inhumane treatment is with a specific arguement- which i'm not able to do, since non e of my categories for keeping ffactory farms are about how factory farms are "humane" i could completely revamp my categories, and write a new body paragraph, but i only have four days. aduno... stupid chickens.

seth and summer

"Seth and Summer are having breakfast at a nearby cafe. Unconsciously, they are behaving like an old married couple. Seth tells Summer that he thinks she enjoys being with him. She tells him that he only thinks that because he is mentally unstable. He reminds her of their kiss and tells her that their chemistry is undeniable. She tells him that what is undeniable is the pain that her fork will cause when she jams it into his eye. Summer then contritely explains that she suffers from rage blackouts. "

evidence for Towanda. exactly what she said. from http://www.soapsite.com/oc/updates/107.htm

O.C.: the first two discs

before last night i had actually only seen fragments of the first season: the debutante ball, basically. i knew the general plot tho, but its good i saw this. it was really, really weird at first, because life for everyone was really different before Ryan came to Newport. it was summer, and the girls (marissa and Summer (calling her sum now) were spoiled, rich, drunk brats. i understood marissa, a bit, but Sum- was horrible. once ryan gets there, sum and cohen get together, and sum is a bit nicer, and marissa has a friend. but then her parents divorce, and her bf luke's been making out with every girl in Tijuana, and she attempts suicide. it wasnt a really, really good scene- a bit over but overdone- but it worked. i felt like murdering Julie Cooper tho. that lady- tries to keep Ryan away from Marissa (altho he's the only thing keeping her sane) marries seth's grandfather when marissa's dad goes bankrupt- poison.

O.C. intro

PLOT SPOILERS (only a little, but you need to know these people)











this is Marissa Cooper, played by Mischa Barton. The star of Newport (in Orange Country, duh) her dream match is



Ryan Atwood, played by Benjamin Mckenzie. this kid comes "from the wrong side of the tracks." he's arrested for stealing a car or something. Public Defense attorney Sandy Cohen (picture later) takes on his case. Ryan ends up living in the Cohens' poolhouse, and becomes best friends with


Seth Cohen, played by Adam Brody. He's a nerd who goes out with this girl named Alex, who breaks up with him when she realizes he needs to be with his dream match


Summer Roberts, played by Rachel Bilson. One of the most popular girls in school, it takes 5 years for her to notice him.

these are the top four characters. you need to know them.



back row, left to right:
Julie Cooper (marissa's mom)
Sandy Cohen (the aforementioned lawyer/dad)
Kirsten Cohen (his wife)
Seth Cohen (isnt it obvious? and i already explained him)
Summer (no-one ever uses her last name. but she calls Seth "Cohen")

front row: Marissa and Ryan

paradox

cats always land on their feet

buttered toast always lands butter side down. (this is if the drop is accidental, duh)

So.... if you strap a piece of buttered toast to the back of a cat, butter side up, and drop the cat out a window, it will fall to approximately a foot above the street, and hover there, spinning.

thats your thought of the day1

irish luck

Lucky Charms!!!!!!!!

ok maybe i'm just immature, but maturity is vastly overrated, and lucky charms are awesome.

:edit: just realized the sugar lumps in Lucky Charms are marshmellows. after my second bowl. dang... they're the best part. sticky, but fun. i save the shooting stars. but now i know their secret identity: pig feet!

Orange County

more o.c. i've seen basically everything- except the first season. so if you do want to watch, Towanda, we could do that. i feel like i'm wasting my vacation, but im doing it with my sister- all her friends went to Ireland. so we're being antisocial together, which makes it somewhat social... i'm at the library, i hadnt been out of the house in days, which is weird. i need to buy coffeee beans, but apparently i have a curfew of 5 (:30?) so i donthave much time. getting more shakespeare, teen books, kid books, nonfoiction. im running out of o.c., so i need something else to do. and my other book wasnt working. its really good, but i cant get myself to actually pick it up. how weird. and i've barely done a chapter in the math book. i look at it, and somewhat get it, but dont want to do it. the problems, the thinking, anything. life is weird...

i'm looking for a picure of the amazing mansion on the show. you'll have to imagine it. except i dont feel like describing. its-stucco, the orange aztec stuff. its weird. but its realy big. but Marissa hates it. i would do the whole plotline, but that would ruin it. maybe another day.

home alone since 10:30- it's one, and all i've done is watch old O.C. tapes. i know thats really, REALLY lame, but whatelse am i supposed to do? at least i'm not cleaning the house, as my mom wants me (and probly expects) me to do. i put away the food i took out, but thats all. someone have an idea? i have like an hour left. they all went to Concord, to give Katy driving practice. They're goig to stores (like, shops, and i have no money) and to that teacher observatory- the one who died on the space shuttle? there is no difference between star shows. you've seen one, you've seen them all. and i didnt feel likea two hour car ride.

"california here we come right back where we started from. California.... california...."

Placements

I'm not asking what people got, i'm asking if they even got them- mine havent come, and the mail has. which means the earliest they'll get here is Wednesday, and they were supposed to have been sent on Friday. i dont really care, but i do want to get my schedule-sheet out of the way, and my dad is so worried it's funny. so, are they all late? or have i been sabotaged? or should my dad just take a chill pill lol. more than normally, that is.

found myself some purposes for this vacation, finally. but they're boring. i rediscovered the math book Mr. Plaut gave me at the beginning of the year. seeing i have to go to the states now, and they expect me to do well... i'm certainly not going to get to the Masters round (nor do i want to) but doing the book shows i tried. and then there's the book Mr. G. gave me, which involves transaltinging from latin with the little dictionary everyother page. but its cool. so i basically live in my room, bargainig with myself to take breaks from the books... i need something better to do. but this will keep me from dying of boredom. my brain will explode, but thats better than boredom.

:edit: (is that only an xanga thing to do? edit a post?) anyway, you know its time to stop when you start swearing at a math book. so now what od i do? i dont wanna read that bok, really... i should go do something like go into town. but i dont have money... speaking of that, its my sister's sweet sixteen in the beginning of march. what do i get her? o well.



random picture of the day, except its not random- my profile is almost completely from Alice and Wonderland. here's the real Cheshire cat:


"We're all mad here."

sister confusion, general disclaimer, Lincoln

i've been dreaming a ton recently. there was a really weird one two nights ago, more because of what i thought about the dream. See, in the dream, i had a little sister. (we were hospitalised together for an eating disorder or something, which was confusing, because they wouldnt feed us at the hospital. reverse psychology?) anyway, the sister looked like what i thought Julia Q's sister looks like (does she even have a sister?) then when i'm thinking about my dream when i wake up, i realize she was really Towanda's sister- barely. she was different too. and now i'm confused.

and now for the GENERAL DISCLAIMER: I'm not saying i'm way crazier than everyone else here (tho its possible) but i do definately get weird at times. i get weird apoligizing for when i was weird, because i'm still in a weird mood. like now, for example. except i'm not apoligizing, i'm saying you shouldnt take what i say too seriously- it doesnt always last, and even when it does, it doest make anyone better for you, dear reader lol, to think about it. so, here's a pretry jar of green salt to use whenever you need to take what i say with a grain of salt.



Lincoln! I'm cleaning my room, which is REALLY weird, but we're not talking about that. we're talking about the article i found about Lincoln i had clipped from a magazine a while ago. it's about his depression, and it's really cool. i would quote it, but i would end up quoting the whole 9 or so pages. so i'm going to Google part of the poem he recites.

Yea! Hope and despondency, pleasure and pain,
Are mingled together in sun-shine and rain;
And the smile and the tear, and the song and the dirge,
Still follow each other, like surge upon surge.

'Tis the wink of an eye, 'tis the draught of a breath,
From the blossoms of health, to the paleness of death.
From the gilded saloon, to the bier and the shroud
Oh, why should the spirit of mortal be proud!

how cheerful! but it really is cool how Lincoln's meloncholy made him a better president. there's your random tidbits for the day...

eh

i feel... adrift. i have nothing to do, and my emotions have nosedived in strength, despite knowing an Armageddon is coming ver soon- scratch that, we are already in the middle stages of it. I'e known that, but it's so subtle to most of the world. it is really clear at times, but its not right now. things start to build and tthen- a week of vacation, everyone is going away, and it all stalls. i dont know what i should be doing, how to prepare. do i fight against it? its going to happen anyway, no mater what i do does trying to be norma count as denying it? it doesnt work anyway. so im cleaning my rool lol. i cant believe the stuff ive left around. its being shredded and recycled, for the most part. but i'm still sick, so its mostly undrcover. i have a dream to post later. o.c. time!

ok that didnt work. not only was i still bored but i was sick as well. too weak to even do anything in bed, which would have involved lifting my head. i really have nothing to do. will probly go back to bed. i dont even have hw to give me something usual to think about, seeing i left my controversy folder at school. o well...

Follow up, randoms

if i ever did anything like a drug, i dont do drugs. there may be things some people would consider to have the same effect as a drug. but, well, it's what i do, how i live, and i'm sorry.

hmmmmm havent posted for a while- its amazing how much i've had to do for Renaissance when there wasnt actually hw... my dress, the king's gift (until i realized i shouldnt have sewn it, since we're not tailors) and we lost horribly anyway... but whatever, it was pretty fun. and i doubt i would have been happy no matter how well we did. And i also had Matcounts (those thoughts werent connected at all of course lol) which took hours, and then my sister had to use the computer. so i havent had much computer time.

i cant think of anything to post. i dont want to have to cut the sleeves of the dress that is once again my sister's, but they're crooked and all, so they will have to do. the dress isnt that comfortable or anything in itself, but i've become attached to it. tho i've been warned not to do that kind of thing... *sigh* i was pretty much blown away in it today...

so much is ending, so much is continueing, and so much is going to happen... for example, Renaissance, Matcounts, placements. i dont want to go to the states i really dont. its good that we got first, seeing we were expected to and it would have been difficult otherwise, butbutbut... *deep breath* its ok. one more meet. tho i think they expect me to do better this year, again... ah well. poo to them tho thats not how it turns out.

ravings

the last two days have been taken over by shakespeare. and renaissance, i suppose. but at the end of the day, it's shakespeare. mostly Hamlet. randomly reading, randomly quoting, spinning around in my mind... i apoligze if i've scared anyone. here's part i want to record, to show how bonkers i am, and just because.


i'm not on drugs (today) so there must be another reason for my insanity.

(altho we already knew that, seeing I was crazy before i even knew what drugs were. unless food is a drug, but i dont feel like discussing that again.)

no drugs, no nothing, emptiness... except in my head, filled with curious thoughts.

i am not on drugs, my mind itself is a drug.

but if drugs be mind-altering, can my mind alter itself?

Yes it can, yes it can, yes it can.

"Yet other awards were disheartening- Clarkson's victory over the far more deserving Fiona Apple in pop vocal album..."

There's someone from the media that definately agrees with you, Towanda. I have mixed feelings, but i did want Fiona to win. Altho the pictures in the Tidal booklet are creepy.

hmmm

woke up, read, cleaned up my room, went on the computer, went shopping. I'm borrowing my sister's Renaissance dress (she made one with our neighbor two years ago) for the Festival, but it has no sleeves and a low bodice. Hello, it's winter, Katy? and it was the same when she had her festival. I wanted to add sleeves and a cloak or something, so we spent tons of money, me and my mom, shopping for stuff like that. i also bought random stuff i dont need, like a birthstone ring and uncomfortable headphones. And two Fiona Apple cds, which i dont need but are more useful than the other things. but i digress. I get home, start making sleeves (evil things) then realize i hadnt checked with Katy. She ends up having very low faith in my sewing abilities, and doesnt want me to ruin the dress. So the sleeves have to be detachable. How do i work that? but the cloak is good enough. and the cds are good. and depression is on the back burner. I've done no homework, but Sunday school is canceled tomarrow, because of the nonexistant snowstorm they've predicted (2-4 inches, i think) so that'll work...

my dad said there was a dance tonight or something. Not that i would go, but isnt that... illogical? wouldnt i have heard about it?

Maybe it's the Pink Panther music, but i seem to have gotten out of my "funk" (best word i can think of). So im posting (a lot)

since everyone seems to agree i have borderline (personality disorder) i thought i might as well find out what it actually is. It's kinda sad, actually, because it doesnt have its own name really- its "borderline" between neurosis and phycosis.

phycosis: thought and perception are severely impaired. Persons experiencing a psychotic episode may experience hallucinations, hold delusional beliefs, demonstrate personality changes and exhibit disorganized thinking

neurosis: causes distress, but does not interfere with rational thought or an individual's ability to function in daily life

i'm still confused. but further on... "pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood" Criteria:

1. frantic efforts to avoid (possibly imagined) abandonment
2. unstable relationships
3. markedly unstable self-image
4. lack of control in at least two potentially damaging areas
5. sucidal behavior/thoughts, self-injury
6. mental (mood) instabilty
7. chronic feelings of emptiness
8. anger issues
9. paranoia or a loss of reality (why were these put together on Wikipedia?)

interesting. you CAN comment on this, but that's not what its for. its an infomercial, i suppose. aduno.

test

Personality Disorder Test Results Paranoid |||||||||||||||| 62% Schizoid |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Schizotypal |||||||||||||||||| 74% Antisocial |||||||||| 38% Borderline |||||||||||||||| 70% Histrionic |||||| 30% Narcissistic |||||| 22% Avoidant |||||||||||||| 58% Dependent |||||||||||| 42% Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||||||||||| 74%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

curious. the last (different) test said i'm at
low risk for paranoia
low for schizoid
modeate for schizotypal
moderate for antiscial
VERY HIGH for borderline
High for histrionic
moderate for narcissistic
High for avoidant
High for dependant
High for obsessive compulsive.

so they agree on borderline. fun. i dunno why i'm posting this, but i wanted to record it. I actually dont really believe in diagnosi that much.

positivity

there. chinchillas are still alive and well. i assume. there are still photos of them on Google Image, anyway.

Fine

In an attempt to be more positive, i submit the following revision:

She's back in the hospital, and i didnt know until after she left, and it's likely she'll die this time.

And i also want to apoligize for posting that stuff when there's really nothing anyone can do. It's stupid and selfish and pointless. Never mind.

But dont ask me to be positive. I just wont post when i feel that way. Deal?

Whatever

i said in a comment my blog was lame. You dont have to comment on that fact.

i'm not going to be posting for a while. She's back in the hospital, and i didnt know until after she left, and she's going to die this time.

Grammy Awards

Fiona Apple was nominated for Best Pop Vocal Album for Exraordinry Machine, but the Award went to Kelly Clarkson for Breakway. And Clarkson deserved it: 4 number-one songs on one album. One of the few songs i cought was her performance of Because of You- I really really like that song. Tho it would suck to be her dad. but he deserves it. I would have liked Fionato get an award, but she was beat.

word of the day

seer. clairvoyant, yea, but also someone who sees. sees things other people do not? sees in a differnt way? what if we're all seers... think about that for 5+ seconds.

random survey

1.Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4. Write down what it says: over battlefields and transporting fallen warriors to Valhalla. The shame of (about early "justice")
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first? my computer lol
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV? super bowl
4. Without looking, guess what time it is: 3:35
5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time? 3:49
6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? music, my dad on the phone
7. When did you last step outside? 15 minutes ago, when i came home from school
8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at? xanga
9. What are you wearing? RMS council shirt, vigoss jeans, big coat/security blanket
10. Did you dream last night? *pauses her music so she can think* it was really complicated... i hadnt done my reading journal or this french homework that was being graded as a quiz...so i cheated
11. When did you last laugh? social studies. those classes are crazy...
12. What is on the walls of the room you are in? calendar i've been borrowing from my mom for months, random clippings, holes and spackle
13. Seen anything weird lately? everything in my life is weird
14. What do you think of this quiz? a bit different, pretty cool
15. What is the last film you saw? actual film? outside of school? god... could have been peter pan on NYE
16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first? coffe beans and a hybrid car (tree hugger, I know)
17. Tell me something about you that I don't know: who be you? let's just say my desktop is orange fire, no-one outside my family knows that
18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? guilt is morals, man... replace all oil with veggie oil
19. Do you like to dance? no
20. George Bush *shudder* what a stupid man. but president is a hard job, even if you have brains
21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? Isabella
22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? Jack? never thought about that
23. Would you ever consider living abroad? yeah
24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates? what are you doing here? there is no heaven, it's a figment of my imagination. go back to earth...
NUMBER...
people you would classify as trust your life with type of friends? dude, who cares about their life? but trust about not screwing it up? 3 or 4, maybe. (i'm cynical)
of times your name has appeared in a newspaper? twice. when i was little in a random picture, and for Matcounts
of scars on your body? who knows? whoever asked this scares me
of things in your past you regret? too many...


FAVORITE...
actor/actress: aduno... i would say Mischa Barton, just to let you guys laugh at me.
least favorite day: monday? sunday? anyday?
flower: black rose
jello flavor: pig feet! pig feet! will never it it again...
jewelry: red bracelet, ring i made
summer/winter: winter, as long as there's snow

PERSON WHO LAST...
sent you an email: chain letters from Alianne and Towanda (hmph)
talked to you: Dad
touched you: Robbie
made you laugh: Pretzel
made you cry: w/e

HAVE YOU EVER...
went out in public in pjs? no
kept a secret from everyone? course
been to new york? yeah
to california? not yet

WHEN/ WHAT WAS...
last cigarette: my last life?
last book read: The Trial... it's anecdotal. it's ok.
last curse word uttered: sh--? when i dropped my fragile bowl in WW
last beverage drank: plain hot water
last food consumed: apple
last phone call: ages... my babysitty client, i suppose
last thing in your past you regret? that choclate covered espresso bean. now i want more...
showered: yesterday
last shoes worn: sneakers
last cd played: Extraordinary Machine
last thing written: science quiz
last word spoken: ummm..."tomarrow," as in the date of our science AP
last sleep: last night, up by 5:50am
last ice cream eaten: ice cream sandwich last week

i dont really feel like making entries, for several stupid egocentric reasons, but there are two old things i want to remention. ish.

•Aprrodite: remember the "right triangle" thing we learned last year? We proved it on a math test, and Mr. Plaut says it may even be more important than Pytharean Theorem

•Parfait Spoon: Remember Alice and Wonderland on New Year's Eve? We were disecting Jabberwocky in English for grammar stuff, and Mr. G. mentioned that Lewic Carroll was a heroin addict... explains all those smoking caterpillars and disappearing cats, right?